She TOOK THE HOUSE, THE DOG AND THE 401K BUT I STILL CONTROL THE THERMOSTAT

[acman 59]

She TOOK THE HOUSE, THE DOG AND THE 401K BUT I STILL CONTROL THE THERMOSTAT., March 26, 2014

By The General

This review is from: Honeywell RTH9580WF Wi-Fi Touchscreen Thermostat (Tools & Home Improvement)

My former wife loves to take expensive vacations. We live in Ohio, which doesnt exactly have extravagant places to see unless you like to watch grass growing or interstate construction. While we make OK money, Im convinced she felt the need to single handedly improve the US economy by taking elaborate vacations: Broadway shows in New York City, gambling in Las Vegas, Spas in Arizona, sightseeing in San Francisco. The airlines know me so well they ask about my dog when I call to make reservations. His name is Fred.

 

In my attempt to try and save whatever I could so the princess could have her nice things I bought this Honeywell Wi-Fi enabled device so I could adjust the HVAC while we were away piling up massive amounts of debt on Mickey Mouse watches. I thought we could save a few bucks by keeping the temp cool in the winter and warm in the summer. The device was easy to install. I did not have the blue connector so I had to re-purpose the green one - this required an adjustment to the actual HVAC unit in our home. There are plenty of videos on Youtube to demonstrate how to do this. Within an hour I was up and running.

 

The device works flawlessly. You can adjust the temp from anywhere you have a Wi-Fi or cellular signal. Little did I know that my ex had found someone that had a bit more money than I did and decided to make other travel plans. Those plans included her no longer being my wife and finding a new travel partner (Carl, a banker). She took the house, the dog and a good chunk of my 401k, but didnt mess with the wireless access point or the Wi-Fi enabled Honeywell thermostat.

 

Since this past Ohio winter has been so cold Ive been messing with the temp while the new love birds are sleeping. Doesnt everyone want to wake up at 7 AM to a 40 degree house? When they are away on their weekend getaways, I crank the heat up to 80 degrees and back down to 40 before they arrive home. I can only imagine what their electricity bills might be. It makes me smile. I know this wont last forever, but I cant help but smile every time I log in and see that it still works. I also cant wait for warmer weather when I can crank the heat up to 80 degrees while the love birds are sleeping. After all, who doesnt want to wake up to an 80 degree home in the middle of June?

[Dandy 43]

My favorite review on Sugar Free Gummy Bears:

Oh man...words cannot express what happened to me after eating these. The Gummi Bear "Cleanse". If you are someone that can tolerate the sugar substitute, enjoy. If you are like the dozens of people that tried my order, RUN!

First of all, for taste I would rate these a 5. So good. Soft, true-to-taste fruit flavors like the sugar variety...I was a happy camper.

BUT (or should I say BUTT), not long after eating about 20 of these all hell broke loose. I had a gastrointestinal experience like nothing I've ever imagined. Cramps, sweating, bloating beyond my worst nightmare. I've had food poisoning from some bad shellfish and that was almost like a skip in the park compared to what was going on inside me.

Then came the, uh, flatulence. Heavens to Murgatroyd, the sounds, like trumpets calling the demons back to Hell...the stench, like 1,000 rotten corpses vomited. I couldn't stand to stay in one room for fear of succumbing to my own odors.

But wait; there's more. What came out of me felt like someone tried to funnel Niagara Falls through a coffee straw. I swear my sphincters were screaming. It felt like my delicate starfish was a gaping maw projectile vomiting a torrential flood of toxic waste. 100% liquid. Flammable liquid. NAPALM. It was actually a bit humorous (for a nanosecond)as it was just beyond anything I could imagine possible.

AND IT WENT ON FOR HOURS.

I felt violated when it was over, which I think might have been sometime in the early morning of the next day. There was stuff coming out of me that I ate at my wedding in 2005.

I had FIVE POUNDS of these innocent-looking delicious-tasting HELLBEARS so I told a friend about what happened to me, thinking it HAD to be some type of sensitivity I had to the sugar substitute, and in spite of my warnings and graphic descriptions, she decided to take her chances and take them off my hands.

Silly woman. All of the same for her, and a phone call from her while on the toilet (because you kinda end up living in the bathroom for a spell) telling me she really wished she would have listened. I think she was crying.

Her sister was skeptical and suspected that we were exaggerating. She took them to work, since there was still 99% of a 5 pound bag left. She works for a construction company, where there are builders, roofers, house painters, landscapers, etc. Lots of people who generally have limited access to toilets on a given day. I can't imagine where all of those poor men (and women) pooped that day. I keep envisioning men on roofs, crossing their legs and trying to decide if they can make it down the ladder, or if they should just jump.

If you order these, best of luck to you. And please, don't post a video review during the aftershocks.

PS: When I ordered these, the warnings and disclaimers and legalese were NOT posted. I'm not a moron. Also, not sure why so many people assume I'm a man. I am a woman. We poop too. Of course, our poop sparkles and smells like a walk in a meadow of wildflowers. Thanks for all the great comments. I've been enjoying reading them and so glad that the horror show I experienced from snacking on these has at least made some people smile.

[enzo on LI 79]

Lol that is fricken hilarious...both stories. I really like the ex revenge with the thermostat. Classic

[DrNate 426]

Those are both pretty funny but the gummy bears one had me rolling because my daughter bought some of the sugar free ones while we were on a road trip. Big mistake. We were stopping every 10 minutes, not fun

[Cdifranco 463]

Those are both pretty funny but the gummy bears one had me rolling because my daughter bought some of the sugar free ones while we were on a road trip. Big mistake. We were stopping every 10 minutes, not fun

Haha bought a bag of those gummy bears back in college as a joke because we had one roomate who never had to poop no matter what we ate. needless to say we all had horrible stomach pains that night except for him! Still to this day that kid has a mysterious stomach.

Edited June 3, 2016 by Cdifranco

[DarksideR 1,679]

Those are both pretty funny but the gummy bears one had me rolling because my daughter bought some of the sugar free ones while we were on a road trip. Big mistake. We were stopping every 10 minutes, not fun

Oh nooooooo! LOL.

[Idaho Mike 29]

That's funny stuff!

 

I had a fun time reading these reviews of a $120,000 TV a few months back too:

 

http://www.pleated-jeans.com/2014/11/30/amazon-users-have-fun-reviewing-120000-tv/

 

Like this review:

I was able to purchase this amazing television with an FHA loan (30 year fixed-rate w/ 4.25% APR) and only 3.5% down. This is, hands down, the best decision I've ever made. And the box it came in is incredibly roomy too, which is a huge bonus, because I live in it now.

Edited June 17, 2016 by Idaho Mike

[Bongo Fury 640]

Well, my dog died just yesterday and left me all alone

The finance company dropped by today and repossessed my home
That's just a drop in the bucket compared to losing you
And I'm down to seeds and stems again, too

Got the down to seeds and stems again blues

 

 

Commander Cody